FULL DISCLOSURE: I, TOO, MAY HAVE BEEN CORRUPTED BY THE WORDS OF A PREACHER

To the all-seeing eye of the news media machinery, I am a tiny pinpoint of barely interesting matter in a field of far more compelling blobs of ectoplasm.  Compare the traction this column gets to the bandwidth devoted to the most negligible nostril flare of presidential hopeful Barack Obama and you will once again see that these words of mine are merely the dust left behind by a windstorm of more relevant occurrences.  Needless to say, I am not running for office, and yet this missive will become part of the Internet information stream and, as such, I should, like Mr. Obama, probably come clean about the controversy sparked by the words of a preacher who has had a great influence on me.  That is, before the buzzards of broadcasting get a hold of it and take it the wrong way. 

I came across the Reverend Erasmus Hollaback this past weekend as I strolled and shopped in one of the many pre-fabricated outdoor “experiences” that satisfy the public’s urge for a theme park visit when they cannot afford admission to Six Flags.  The good reverend stood on a milk crate and testified to the way things really are in this country.  Much of it could certainly be construed as un-American, but I am admitting right here and now that I did take it in, that I was influenced by it, that it spoke to me.  Do I agree with all of it?  No.  Do I defend Reverend Hollaback’s right to speak his mind in our free society?  I do.  Before the media firestorm starts, read his words for yourself and make up your own mind:

JFK was assassinated by Marilyn Monroe!

This country has a history of discrimination against badgers!

There is a living space alien working as a Barista at Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf!

Blaggh!  Bloofa!  Hooo!  (speaking in tongues; translates roughly to “listen up!”)

Did you see “Revenge of the Sith?”  My roommate is a Sith!

Paris Hilton, Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan are desperately unhappy and it’s our fault!

Heather Mills wrote all of the Beatles’ songs with Dick Cheney! 

Will Ferrell is making the same movie over and over again!

There you have it.  I found myself drawn in by these controversial and incendiary opinions, and I just wanted to put it out there before the reporters start questioning my integrity.   I mean, when the guy gets the Will Ferrell thing so damn right, you have to think there’s something to the rest of his opinions. 

James Napoli is an author and humorist who has also written and directed the award winning dramatic shorts “The Priests” and “Nobody Gets Hurt.”   He is a graduate of the London Film School. 

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