SOME HIGHLIGHTS FROM THE HOLLYWOOD/ENGLISH DICTIONARY

You wouldn’t travel to a foreign country without brushing up on some of the phrases that can help you get by as a stranger in a strange land, so why dive into the murky waters of discussing the current cinema with your compatriots without a reassuring guidebook that helps you make sure you’re on the same level as your movie buff friends?  Look, movies are the universal language, and the more you know how to sound like you know what you’re talking about, the more you can join in as your colleagues avoid the real, substantive problems in their lives by having conversations about the superficial and ultimately inconsequential topic of movies. 

Here, then, are a few terms from the Hollywood/English Dictionary (not yet available for purchase, but consider this a pitch, publishers!):

Little – term of endearment; used to describe a film that actually contains more real drama and accomplished acting than nine-tenths of the drivel that makes it to the top of the box office, yet, when referenced, needs to be slightly diminished to hide insecurities about the fact that it makes everything else look like crap and, in the perfect universe, should be the norm.  Usage: “That was a good little movie.”

Is – covering a multitude of sins, this simple word has become synonymous with not having the courage to admit that even you, with your limited knowledge about how to actually analyze a film, found the movie you saw insufferably bad, but because it has some star that’s currently in favor, or is doing well, you haven’t the stones to come out and say that it sucked. Usage: “It is what it is.” 

Ride – the equivalent of admitting that one has utterly succumbed to a film that was hideously inadequate in terms of story, character, dialogue and acting just because of the awesome pyrotechnics.  Usage: “A great ride.”

Interesting – used when you have to say something about a film that was either incomprehensible or you only went because it won a bunch of awards and having seen it you don’t get why.  Usage: “That was a really interesting film.”   Reached an all-time high with The English Patient, only to be recently outdistanced by The Fountain.

Feel-good – sarcastic; most often employed after having seen a powerful and difficult film that sheds light on the darkness of the human condition and gets at several universal truths—all of which confronts you with your basic fear of anything that asks you to examine the deep-rooted scars on your psyche, about which you have long been in denial.  Only an offhand comment about how depressing the movie was can help you ignore your inner pain.  Usage: “Well, that was the feel-good movie of the year!”

Pretty – essentially indicates crap, used when feeling generous.  Usage: “That was pretty good.”

Fun – umbrella term for a movie that was basically crap.  

Okay – crap.  

There you have it.  That should be enough to get you started.  You know, I think this was a good little column.

James Napoli is an author and humorist who has also written and directed the award winning dramatic shorts “The Priests” and “Nobody Gets Hurt.”   He is a graduate of the London Film School. 

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