Best motion picture of the year

"Atonement" (Focus Features) A Working Title Production: Tim Bevan, Eric Fellner and Paul Webster, Producers
"Juno" (Fox Searchlight) A Dancing Elk Pictures, LLC Production: Lianne Halfon, Mason Novick and Russell Smith, Producers
"Michael Clayton" (Warner Bros.) A Clayton Productions, LLC Production: Sydney Pollack, Jennifer Fox and Kerry Orent, Producers
"No Country for Old Men" (Miramax and Paramount Vantage) A Scott Rudin/Mike Zoss Production: Scott Rudin, Ethan Coen and Joel Coen, Producers
"There Will Be Blood" (Paramount Vantage and Miramax) A JoAnne Sellar/Ghoulardi Film Company Production: JoAnne Sellar, Paul Thomas Anderson and Daniel Lupi, Producers

Everyone laughed when I said if I would flip out when Atonement got nominated for Best Picture.  “Oh, it doesn’t have a chance!  Nevermind the Golden Globe win and the BAFTA nominations and the absolutely misguided critical acclaim!  That’s a slot that will be filled by a good film like Into the Wild!  Now get off the edge of that tall building!”  Whose laughing now, bitches?  Oh, wait: NO ONE.

I predicted 5 OUT OF 5.  EAT IT.

Performance by an actor in a leading role

George Clooney in "Michael Clayton" (Warner Bros.)
Daniel Day-Lewis in "There Will Be Blood" (Paramount Vantage and Miramax)
Johnny Depp in "Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street" (DreamWorks and Warner Bros., Distributed by DreamWorks/Paramount)
Tommy Lee Jones in "In the Valley of Elah" (Warner Independent)
Viggo Mortensen in "Eastern Promises" (Focus Features)

Look, I’m happy with the Vig getting any nomination for anything.  He’s a tremendous actor who deserves every bit of acclaim he receives.  I really wish the same could be said for Johnny Depp.  I love the guy but Sweeney Todd is not his film.  It’s Helena Bonham Carter’s and quite frankly, I would have liked to see a more surprising actor in the role.  As for Tommy Lee Jones, his massive ear lobes deserve the nomination and in a world where he would actually win this award, they should give the acceptance speech.  I’m sure Emile Hirsch is very happy with the “Fuck You” from the Academy.  Then again, I’m sure everyone from Into the Wild is happy this morning.

But it’s all a moot point.  Day-Lewis is gonna win and so I can sleep easy on this one.

I called 3 out of 5

Performance by an actor in a supporting role

Casey Affleck in "The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford" (Warner Bros.)
Javier Bardem in "No Country for Old Men" (Miramax and Paramount Vantage)
Philip Seymour Hoffman in "Charlie Wilson's War" (Universal)
Hal Holbrook in "Into the Wild" (Paramount Vantage)
Tom Wilkinson in "Michael Clayton" (Warner Bros.)

You would think that this was between Affleck and Bardem, but you’d be wrong.  This award is Hal Holbrook’s because this category always goes to Hollywood veterans.  It’s just an unwritten rule.  Look at the winners from the past ten years and you’ll see I’m right.

I called 4 out of 5

Performance by an actress in a leading role
Cate Blanchett in "Elizabeth: The Golden Age" (Universal)
Julie Christie in "Away from Her" (Lionsgate)
Marion Cotillard in "La Vie en Rose" (Picturehouse)
Laura Linney in "The Savages" (Fox Searchlight)
Ellen Page in "Juno" (Fox Searchlight)

Cate Blanchett is a wonderful woman and a tremendous actress and no one should award Elizabeth: The Golden Age for anything other than costumes and art direction.  She’s replaying her character and it’s not her fault.  If they gave Elizabeth a new conflict rather than just repeating the one she had in the first film, then this nomination would be warranted.  As it stands, they just insulted Amy Adams (Enchanted) and Helena Bonham Carter (Sweeney Todd). 

Again, it’s a moot point because it’s between Christie and Cotillard with the edge to Christie because she’s the Hollywood vet and she played someone with Alzheimer’s!  The bravery!

I called 3 out of 5

Performance by an actress in a supporting role

Cate Blanchett in "I'm Not There" (The Weinstein Company)
Ruby Dee in "American Gangster" (Universal)
Saoirse Ronan in "Atonement" (Focus Features)
Amy Ryan in "Gone Baby Gone" (Miramax)
Tilda Swinton in "Michael Clayton" (Warner Bros.)

In my burning hatred for Atonement, I forgot about Saoirse Ronan.  After the cinematography of the Dunkirk scene, she is the best part of Atonement.  But she’s the dark horse and I think Blanchett’s going to get her second Best Supporting Actress win for her work in I’m Not There.  That’s fine by me. 

I called 3 out of 5

Adapted screenplay

"Atonement" (Focus Features), Screenplay by Christopher Hampton
"Away from Her" (Lionsgate), Written by Sarah Polley
"The Diving Bell and the Butterfly" (Miramax/Pathé Renn), Screenplay by Ronald Harwood
"No Country for Old Men" (Miramax and Paramount Vantage), Written for the screen by Joel Coen & Ethan Coen
"There Will Be Blood" (Paramount Vantage and Miramax), Written for the screen by Paul Thomas Anderson

Please, for the love of Christ, don’t let Atonement win this.  It’s so awful.  The film fails because it’s a shitty adaptation.  Thankfully, I think the Coens are going to win this category.  Maybe even Diving Bell.  But who am I kidding: if the past few months have taught us anything, it’s that Hollywood hates writers.  Give it to Atonement.

Original screenplay

"Juno" (Fox Searchlight), Written by Diablo Cody
"Lars and the Real Girl" (MGM), Written by Nancy Oliver
"Michael Clayton" (Warner Bros.), Written by Tony Gilroy
"Ratatouille" (Walt Disney), Screenplay by Brad Bird; Story by Jan Pinkava, Jim Capobianco, Brad Bird
"The Savages" (Fox Searchlight), Written by Tamara Jenkins

Sadly, this will probably go to Tony Gilroy.  It’s not that Michael Clayton is a bad script, but Juno’s the one that should get it.  And I would love to see Diablo Cody do a couple kung-fu kicks up on that stage.

Achievement in directing

"The Diving Bell and the Butterfly" (Miramax/Pathé Renn), Julian Schnabel
"Juno" (Fox Searchlight), Jason Reitman
"Michael Clayton" (Warner Bros.), Tony Gilroy
"No Country for Old Men" (Miramax and Paramount Vantage), Joel Coen and Ethan Coen
"There Will Be Blood" (Paramount Vantage and Miramax), Paul Thomas Anderson

This…this isn’t that bad.  Sure, I don’t think Reitman should get the nomination and I don’t think Gilroy’s direction was anything amazing.  I also wasn’t expecting the complete shunning of Into the Wild (it must not have saved the excess oil from a can of tuna).  But thankfully, this award will go to either Schnabel or the Coens.  And perhaps if those two cancel each other out, then Anderson gets it, which is equally great.

I called 3 out of 5

Best documentary feature

"No End in Sight" (Magnolia Pictures) A Representational Pictures Production: Charles Ferguson and Audrey Marrs
"Operation Homecoming: Writing the Wartime Experience" (The Documentary Group) A Documentary Group Production: Richard E. Robbins
"Sicko" (Lionsgate and The Weinstein Company) A Dog Eat Dog Films Production: Michael Moore and Meghan O'Hara
"Taxi to the Dark Side" (THINKFilm) An X-Ray Production: Alex Gibney and Eva Orner
"War/Dance" (THINKFilm) A Shine Global and Fine Films Production: Andrea Nix Fine and Sean Fine

Michael Moore won’t get it because he’s Michael Moore and fuck the fact that his film is a non-partisan examination of one of the most important issues facing our country today.  Maybe No End in Sight will get it.  I just don’t know.  My gut tells me War/Dance, but my gut is also very hungry.

Best animated feature film of the year

"Persepolis" (Sony Pictures Classics): Marjane Satrapi and Vincent Paronnaud
"Ratatouille" (Walt Disney): Brad Bird
"Surf's Up" (Sony Pictures Releasing): Ash Brannon and Chris Buck

Thank God, Shrek the Third wasn’t nominated.  If more people had actually seen Persepolis, it would have a better-shot.  As it stands, Brad Bird gets his second Oscar win for Ratatouille.  He is legend.

Achievement in art direction

"American Gangster" (Universal): Art Direction: Arthur Max; Set Decoration: Beth A. Rubino
"Atonement" (Focus Features): Art Direction: Sarah Greenwood; Set Decoration: Katie Spencer
"The Golden Compass" (New Line in association with Ingenious Film Partners): Art Direction: Dennis Gassner; Set Decoration: Anna Pinnock
"Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street" (DreamWorks and Warner Bros., Distributed by DreamWorks/Paramount): Art Direction: Dante Ferretti; Set Decoration: Francesca Lo Schiavo
"There Will Be Blood" (Paramount Vantage and Miramax): Art Direction: Jack Fisk; Set Decoration: Jim Erickson

Every time I see a nomination for Atonement, I die a little inside.  I may well be a corpse by the end of this.  They’ll find me and wonder how I died so let me tell them now: ATONEMENT KILLED ME.  Give this to The Golden Compass.  Shitty film, but imaginative design.  Couldn’t possibly nominate I’m Not There.  Noooo.  Didn’t you hear?  The only great thing about that film is Cate Blanchett.  No one told Todd Haynes that biopics have to be boring, predictable shit.

Achievement in cinematography

"The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford" (Warner Bros.): Roger Deakins
"Atonement" (Focus Features): Seamus McGarvey
"The Diving Bell and the Butterfly" (Miramax/Pathé Renn): Janusz Kaminski
"No Country for Old Men" (Miramax and Paramount Vantage): Roger Deakins
"There Will Be Blood" (Paramount Vantage and Miramax): Robert Elswit

Please give this to The Assassination of Jesse James.  Please give this to The Assassination of Jesse James.  Or No Country for Old Men.  Or any nominee that’s not Atonement.  And that’s just not the Atonement-hatred speaking.  Every other nominee is beautifully shot.  Atonement has Dunkirk and that’s it.  Oh, the award is going to Atonement you say?  Beautiful.  Excuse me while I put this gun in my mouth.