First up in the parade of the unfunny is Warner Brothers "Body of Lies." This movie has three big names attached: Russell Crowe, Leonardo DiCaprio and director Ridley Scott. And yet it could only pull a third place finish? That is way sad. By all rights this film should have made at least 4 million more than it did, especially as its reviews have been far better than any of the other "War on Terror" thrillers we've been treated to recently. Sure, the marketing wasn't full court press, but it shouldn't have to be… did I mention the names Crowe, DiCaprio and Scott?

Also not laughing this week: Universal Studios. Their mid-October entry "The Express" could only pull in 4.7 million from its 2,800 engagements. As the "inspiring true story" of some dead football guy cost around 40 million to make, that is sadder than an athlete with leukemia. I wonder if the studio thought that an inspiring story of race would mesh well with this year's "historic" Presidential campaign when they scheduled "The Express." Someone is going to lose their job if that is the case. At this point, I would expect this flick to arrive on cable by February at the latest.

The final float in this weekend's parade of the solemn belongs to Fox. As if the summer wasn't hard enough for the studio, they have somehow managed to out strip their own failure this fall. "City of Ember" opened in just over 2,000 theatres and still only managed a bit over 3 million on its opening week. Something truly miraculous would have to happen to keep "Ember" in the top ten for another week – and even that would not get the film close to its 38 million dollar budget. Sorry, Fox. Maybe you should stay away from releasing films that you can't market?

As I mentioned earlier, "Quarantine" (a remake of a Spanish horror film - cause Spain is the new Japan when it comes to ripping off scary movies) had a production budget of approximately 12 million only. In those terms (and those terms alone) "Quarantine" is a huge success. Of course, the pic's about to get a lot more horror competition what with it being October and all, so expect the Screen Gem screamer to fade away fairly quickly.

As for studios who are moderately happier than the three I mentioned, Dreamworks should see "Eagle Eye" limp past 80 million in another ten days or so. Still, as the film cost that much to make they can't really claim a win until the international take is factored in. Sony has double its investment on "Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist" in just two weeks, so that's good… of course the film has already lost 42% of its audience and I'm sure the studio hoped to ring a bit more out of the film before teen girls started to lose interest.

There are two ways to look at the first week in wide release for Paramount Vantage's "The Duchess." The optimistic way (the kind the studio has been buying air time for) is that the period film has been getting a lot of favorable reviews, especially for the performance of the giant collarbone known as Keira Knightley. The less cheery way to look at it is that all the good reviews in the world haven't earned the film much more than five million over the course of four weeks. Still, "Duchess" is the only film (playing in over 30 theatres) that actually improved over the week… even those fucking Taco Bell dogs lost over 40% since their debut and they're number one! 

The fact that even the major film studios lost money in this week of totally tragic financial news is not promising… they're supposed to be "recession proof." Disney alone found themselves smiling all the way to the bank - except that, all the banks have failed so I guess they were smiling all the way to the nearest… Mattress King?