Every week or so there is a present waiting for me when I get home, an envelope, or sometimes a box, from my favorite website, collider.com. It will have movies in it! Yay! I get to review them, and you get to read my reviews. In addition to movies and shows that I know the names of, I get random shit. Sometimes it’s a little known winner than I can’t wait to spread the good word about, which is why I love doing what I do. Unfortunately there are times when the random little “movie” in my happy present box is something more along the lines of Bar Starz.

Now I’m not going to completely bag on this movie, because I applaud anyone who can get anything made outside of the big studio system. There are also some really funny moments in this film. Sadly, for every laugh there are five to six minutes of couch sitting, head scratching dumbness. You just sit on your couch going, did they really think that was funny?

Bar Starz follows the adventures of two friends who have recently moved to the San Bernardino area. Barry (Derek Waters) is the typical nice guy and he of course accompanied by Douglas (Charlie Finn) his asshole pal. Waters and Finn work this tried and true buddy pic dynamic pretty well, and almost manage to keep the film going. Waters is really nice and likable, and you halfway start thinking about your single friends who you could hook him up with. Finn is a likable douche who seems to be just mixing and matching other famous asshole friends, but he does it well enough that you might not mind having a beer with him. If the movie were just these two guys, it would be way more watchable. But the movie is called Bar Stars, and those annoying pricks keep showing up. The Bar Starz are the super hip guys you see at a big club, that always seem cool (from across the room) and always get the hot ladies. From up close they often are obnoxious and not in a good way. Every time the movie gets a little bit of speed going, the Bar Starz show up and slow the action down. They deliver some laughs, but the cost is too high. If the director (Michael Pietrzak) and the writers (Peter Castanik, Marc James) had used these guys more sparingly they could have worked well as occasional comedic foils.

The females in the film are pretty wasted. They mostly serve as eye candy and tools for wish fulfillment, and as such they do well, and are suitably hot. Ryann (Jana Kramer) is very cute and likable, and should be given a chance to actually act at some point. She might be a one trick pony, but until someone lets her do more than one trick we won’t know. The only woman who is actually allowed to be funny is Tiffany (Jayma Mays) who perks up several scenes as the psycho ex girlfriend.

The cinematography is surprisingly competent as is the lighting and sound. If film doesn’t work out for the director then he has a great fall back directing uninspired music videos.

And if I haven’t mentioned it yet this movie has CHARLIE MURPHEY! He is fast becoming my very favorite B-movie actor.

I can’t review the extras because there aren’t any. Seriously, there isn’t even a menus screen to speak of, this thing looks like somebody burned it on their computer.

Even though I have serious (SERIOUS) problems with this movie, I’m going to recommend it. If you can find it, and if you want to help out some little people with big dreams, and if you don’t mind mostly wasting an hour and a half of your life, RENT THIS MOVIE. It’ll be your mitzvah for the month.

PS I was terribly SOBER while watching this film. I suggest imbibing heavily while watching to further your enjoyment.