Gossip Girl

What it’s about:  It oughta be called The NYC, since it’s basically The OC set in…well, you get it.  This one focuses on a wealthy and semi-famous set of young adults.  What mainly sets it apart is the framing device of a Defamer-like tabloid website called, you guessed it, Gossip Girl.  It’s worth noting that the Gossip Girl herself is not really a character on the show;  we merely hear the posts as voice-over courtesy of Kristen Bell. 

What’s good:  Honestly?  Nothing.  I hated this.

What’s not so good:  See above.  Actually twice as obnoxious, inane and insipid as The OC.  Even if you liked that show, this will seem like a hollow, useless facsimile.

Will it be a hit?  Well, it premiered last week, and judging by the ratings, the answer is no.  Came in last place, although it held a big chunk of the audience from America’s Next Top Model, a show I hold in even lower regard.  Evidently this show is based on a popular series of books for teenage girls.  I sincerely hope that teenage girls are not stupid enough to swallow this tripe.

Life is Wild

What it’s about:  Suburban American family with crazy do-gooder dad uproots and moves to Africa.  Think The Mosquito Coast crossed with 7^th Heaven, without anything that made that stuff interesting or good (i.e. it’s a lot more like 7^th Heaven).

What’s good:  Well, it’s nicely photographed.  The producers have done a decent job faking African countryside.  Apparently Rutger Hauer is slated to appear in a few episodes down the line, and who doesn’t like him?

What’s not so good:  Well, it’s just boring.  The characters are completely stock, and I don’t think I want to see another show that’s predicated upon the thoroughly played-out themes of getting back to nature and being kind to your fellow man.  Nobody cares. 

Will it be a hit?  Not a chance in Hell.  Ultimately, the CW can’t keep an audience of young people by treating them like idiots, which is exactly what this show and Gossip Girl are doing.  These kinds of shows are basically not intended to be of any real quality but merely magnets for demographics.  The material is far more suited to a 90-minute Disney film rather than a 13- or 22-episode series.

Aliens in America

What it’s about:  A white family from Wisconsin, in a half-assed attempt to socialize their teenage son, impulsively takes in a Pakistani exchange student.  Since white people are different from brown people, cultures clash and hilarity inevitably ensues.

What’s good:  It’s pretty funny (though never truly inspired) in spots, definitely going for the hightened absurdity of a show like Malcolm in the Middle, even going so far as to directly lift the insane mom character from that show.  The two young leads are fairly charming and have some good chemistry.  Critics seem to be into this one, though it may not be for all tastes.

What’s not so good:  Oh, man, where to start?  Let’s skip the details and just get straight to the big problem.  This show, well-intentioned though it certainly is, is incredibly racist.

And not just towards Arabs.  Everything the Pakistani kid does is calculated to be ka-rayzee!  Look, he prays to his freaky god…a lot!  Check it out, he eats weird food!  Dig that nutty accent!  None of this shit is funny.  On top of all that, it makes Americans look like retards.  I’d be pissed if a major network show like this depicted my entire community as a bunch of sweet-natured but prejudiced and duplicitous rubes.  The best part is when the mom decides that the Pakistani kid can stick around because his parents have recently died.  See America?  Foreign people have feelings too! 

Will it be a hit?  Hard to say.  I personally loathed the show, despite it’s occasional high points.  Fans of Malcolm or Everybody Hates Chris will probably find a lot to like here, but I can’t see anyone with any taste or intellgence not noticing the blatant casual racism.  And while I loathe to get political, I have to say that for such an “issue-oriented” show, it’s totally toothless.  I would have liked it if the kids parents had been killed by an American missile or something equally horrifying.

Reaper

What it’s about:  A young slacker finds out that his parents have sold his soul to the Devil.  He must now spend the rest of his days collecting the souls of those who’ve escaped from Hell.

What’s good:  Quite a lot, actually.  Kevin Smith famously directed the pilot, and miraculously it doesn’t look or feel like a Kevin Smith movie (except for the occasional Star Wars reference or masturbation joke.  The leads are all exceptionally well-cast for this sort of thing, as most of the dialogue is rapid-fire gags and people shouting exposition at each other.  It’s quite funny, pretty surprising in spots, and has some clever special effects.  The main character’s best friend (Tyler Labine) is particularly charming.  But it’s Ray Wise (Twin Peaks’ Leland Palmer) as Satan who totally steals the show.  He’s completely engaging and funny and still menacing.

What’s not so good:  Well, it’s a little hokey, and like other shows it resembles (Dead Like Me comes to mind), it’s pretty hard to see the series going anywhere other than the monster-of-the-week show.

Will it be a hit?  At first, yes, probably.  But like I said, I don’t see this really turning into anything spectacular, and I think the audience the network is banking on will be pretty well split down the middle and the ratings will sink.  If that happens, expect it to be immediately cancelled or, if we’re lucky, dangle by a thread for a season or so a la Veronica Mars.