If ever there was a videogame that should be classified as contraband, ‘Diner Dash’ for the PSP fits the bill. Akin to playing with a rubber band ball, Diner Dash is simultaneously so simple yet blissfully addictive for hours at a time. This addiction has now spanned 3 sequels and 6 platforms; that’s a whole lot of bad food service being bestowed upon the masses.

For Diner Dash newbies, the premise is simple. Besieged by a dead-end cubicle job, the protagonist ‘Flo’ escapes corporate hell in favor of blue collar, restaurant ownership bliss. Perhaps ol’ Flo should’ve spent more time cracking the books at the former; opening a thriving eatery with the hostess, waitress, busboy and cashier as one and the same equates to a poor business decision. Or the Applebee’s business model for those keeping score at home.

Still, Flo is a determined lass, more than willing to attempt such a culinary feat of greatness. Pass ten levels of chaos via great service, Flo opens an upgraded, spiffier restaurant. And so it goes for several rounds of 10 levels at a time.

If only it was that simple. A hybrid of customer types demand specialized, unique attention. Businesswomen want both their meals and service fast…or will tip accordingly. The bookworms are militant about a quiet, tome-friendly environ. Students mirror their real life counterparts; cheap bastards who hog tables for eons. Finally, Diner Dash taught me to hate families with small children all over again. Their little terrors scream if devoid of highchairs, leave spilled crap everywhere as souvenirs for the wait staff.  See Applebee’s reference above.

To serve the masses requires a whole lot of button clicking and strategy. Very quickly Flo’s human limitation of possessing only two arms becomes apparent. In sum, you can’t bus tables if your arms are filled with orders and/or free drinks. Still, Diner Dash rewards the intuitive, allowing Flo to serve two tables at time, ditto on busing, highchair distribution toddler cleanup, and finally order collection.

The chaos that is Diner Dash becomes second nature very quickly: It’s all about the Benjamins. Keep the business folk happy at the expense of screaming children = get rich quickly. Leave oodles of patrons waiting for tables and go broke fast. The students? Let ‘em starve. Again, see Applebee’s.

To accomplish the above, Diner Dash goes the simple route. Serviceable graphics keep things honest. The control scheme works for the most part, although it becomes occasionally difficult to select individual tables or items when servicing. In a game where split seconds matter, this faux pas does border on sporadic frustration. Still, get in the groove with Flo and these shortcomings dissipate. It’s amazing how quickly that Mama can operate once you get in the control groove.

Arguably the single greatest flaw in Diner Dash is, well, that it’s Diner Dash. Simply put, the game lacks sufficient depth to justify a $30 price tag for an offering not much different than its online, Flash equivalent. There’s likely a good 1-2 months of playability on the career mode, the endless serving and/or multiplayer functions add little to overall value.

SUMMARY: Minor control snafus aside, Diner Dash for the PSP is a wonderful representation of a simplistic yet addictive series. Still, a hefty price and limited playability hamper an overall fine product. A solid buy at $20, overpriced at 33% more.

CONCLUSION: 7 [STARVING, SCREAMING CHILDREN] OUT OF 10.