We Love Golf for the Nintendo Wii is a stunning example of what happens when the people who name games don’t sit down and actually play the game before it’s released.

Hello mouth, meet foot. One smelly, cheeky, foot.

Released by Capcom and developed by Camelot Software, their take on the only sport that doubles as a four-letter-swear-word leaves much to the imagination, which is exactly what the developers are lacking when it comes to game play.

The game utilizes the Wii Remote to simulate striking a golf ball across the course, which is about like saying you would open a can of tomatoes with tire iron, it’s much better used to change a tire; or hit someone over the head. And, frankly, that’s a much better use of the Wii Remote in this game.

Despite what the instructions say, you don’t need make a swinging motion with your arm like most other golf games for the Wii. Instead, you can simply move your wrist to move a power gauge back until you hit your desired power (noted by both a secondary marker and — if you didn’t feel stupid enough — a bright-red circle). It’s almost enough to make you want to throw your controller at the little red mark just because it looks like the game is mocking your ability to see. I know now what they judged communism on: Little red circles in games featuring little cheeky characters.

The most annoying facet of the game would the animated Wii Remote in the top-right corner of the screen that resembles the annoying wizard in the corner of your Microsoft Word program. It chimes in about as much as well. Not to mention your Wii Remote talks to you almost constantly telling you what to do with it. (“Point me down.””Hold the ‘A’ or ‘B’ button.”) Shut up. After the 10^th hole, I get it.

Once you’ve hit your desired power mark you simply have to shake the controller in sync with your character’s forward swing to hit the ball. No worries, though, if you don’t time it correctly your character will still hit the ball, just slightly to the left.

Which really doesn’t affect where the ball lands…much. The power at which you hit the ball has more affect on where the ball lands than anything in the game. Really you can just preload your shot and watch the carnage unfold.

Once the ball is hit, it goes relatively straight. So straight, in fact, even Ru Paul couldn’t keep the ball from going in the fairway. Although, if you’re not looking for the professional (or for that matter remedial) challenge that games like Tiger Woods or Hot Shots Golf put forth in front of you, then you’ll enjoy these controls. For all my bantering on, they are very easy to pick up out of the box, even for someone that doesn’t read instructions. (**Reviewer points to himself**)

The characters in the game resemble extras from Pokeman. They are awkward, unbalanced and very generic in their look. So generic you expect Mario to jump out of a bunker and start slapping you in the face screaming “It’sa me!”

Despite their cheeky goods looks, you can unlock some costumes from some of Capcom’s more famous characters. Unfortunately, down forward-down forward punch does not equal anything resembling a fireball.

Their reactions and sound bites are even more awkward and unbalanced. If you sink anything worse than par your character will throw a temper tantrum on the green that’s enough to make Tiger Woods hobble on his one good leg to bitch-slap them — or at least have Sergio Garcia spit in their cup.

The opposite reaction is very bubbly (sometimes literally) and sugary sweet. Sparks fly and a yet-to-be seen crowd cheers you if you do well, which happens often once you get the swing of things. Instant gratification seekers please get in line.

It’s rather disappointing that one of the main draws of this game, one of the few games to feature your Miis as playable characters, has to be unlocked for single player mode. The mode is available in two-, three- and four-player modes out of the box.

Still, there is nothing better than bringing Michael Jackson, Shaft (R.I.P. Mr. Hayes) and Charlie Brown to the tee — much less the ability to see a dancing Miss Piggy with the body of a 12-year-old. Good times.

The courses are pretty straightforward and offer some great sightseeing. The putt-putt course resembles playing a large game of Candyland. If you look closely you can even see the corpses of Strawberry Shortcake, some of the Carebears and Hanzel and Grettle. That, or I need to quit the cold medicine before reviewing games.

There are a few unlockable features in the game: like more character styles, the aforementioned Mii-play for single player, and a few more courses. However, for older players, this doesn’t seem enough to make you want to continue playing the game past a couple of rounds.

You can take your game online; however, the likelihood of finding people to play against is about the same chance as beating Michael Phelps in a swim meet with both of his hands tied behind his back. I know what you’re thinking. And no, you still won’t beat him. His mother procreated with f’n Flipper. There’s just no other explanation for it.

Anyway, for a game that seems to be licensed to children it seems a little clunky, not necessarily thought through. I imagine a nine-year-old could pick this title up and enjoy it for several hours in between episodes of the pointless drabble they play on Cartoon Network. However, the likelihood of nine-year-olds or slightly older children playing a game like this many times seems like wishful thinking. While the sparkly lights and cheeky characters would appeal to those gamers with single digits in their age for a short while, the relative lack a replay value and difficulty leaves a lot to be desired. And in a world where even the most torrid golfer can still hit the ball in other titles like Wii Sports Golf or, yes, even Tiger Woods, it can be safely said that spending your money on a game like this would be for those people who are children at heart — or children who don’t own any Legos.

This game receives a double boogey on my course.