TEN PIN ALLEY 2 Nintendo Wii Video Game Review 11/25/2008
Posted by ColliderStaff
Reviewed by The MalloMan
Every once in a blue moon I decide that it is time to shake the dust that quirky little piece of white plastic and ATI graphics called the Wii and play a game or two. And in true fashion the times usually involved copious amounts of both people and alcohol. What I’m trying to say is that the Wii, to me, is only really good for party games and the occasional Wii Tennis beat down you have to administer because someone says they actually like the Geico commercials. And thus, you have to break your caveman character out of undefeated retirement and prove actually why State Farm kicks so much ass (if my agent is reading I promise I’ll pay on time next time).
So along comes another party game called Ten Pin Alley 2, which out of the box makes me wonder about Ten Pin Alley 1 and where that game fit in. Turns out the first iteration of the game was released in 1996 but was plagued with bugs and setbacks. According to Wikipedia — because it’s always right — Ten Pin Alley 2 was scheduled for release for PlayStation 2, but “for unknown reasons was shelved.”
Maybe it’s because someone out there actually had their hand on the pulse of the gaming world and realized we didn’t need another stinking pile of excrement bowling simulator.
But, alas, it was released for the Wii, which seems like a much more appropriate platform for a bowling game with the whole swinging of the wrists ‘til you develop carpal tunnel or your flanges fall off – thing happens all the time.
Which is exactly what happens when you play this game.The controls are so off kilter that you’re more likely to throw the ball into the stands than down the lane. For once I think I have found a Wii game that doesn’t have touchy controls. In fact, it’s the opposite: you practically have to fax in your shot to some place in India and after three attempts you might be able to get it to squabble down the lane a bit. After 20 minutes of fighting with the Wiimote I was trying to find out how I could throw the ball where it would land on my character’s toes. At least then I could laugh at something.
Which brings me to the characters in the game. There are eight of the most stereotypical people you would find in your backwoods bowling alley…and a monk named Holy Roller. I did think that was fairly clever. Oh! And there’s some redneck woman with gigantic breasts. You know, those things you stare at in the checkout line right before you get hit in the face with Spicy Eyes Pepper Spray.
There are no real differences amongst the characters, all can throw the ball fairly hard and once the ball finally starts down the lane you have to hold your hand straight otherwise the ball will curve. I thought that was a clever way to add that pro-bowler arc to the ball; however, I quickly realized that no skill was needed because if you went too far to the left or right you could simply turn your wrist the opposite direction and the ball would magically change directions down the lane. Although, as I mentioned, the controls are a bit off kilter so it’s not like you can snipe the pins with the pin-point accuracy of Jean Reno in “The Professional.” This left my mate and I trying to figure out how many times we could make the ball snake back and forth down the lane before the computer took back control of the ball and smashed the thing into the pins.
That gave a few bits of fun, but then we shortly got bored of it and moved on to the “trick shot” portion of the game. Unfortunately, the bad control scheme followed us to our new play pin like that annoying kid named Melvin that smells funny and has the lazy eye. You know, the one you later learn to fear slightly because it’s always the quiet ones that have a god complex.
Anyway, we tried for over an hour to make decent headway into the more than 100 (not “over 100” – honestly, who writes the copy for the back of game boxes? Do they even consult the writing manuals?) but we were only able to get through a handful of them. And while the concept of trick shots in bowling did please us, the controls hindered our ability to work through the shots. I mean, I love a video game challenge, but some of the tricks are im-eff’n-possible. And the rest are more like “throw ball hard, let crazy contraption do the work” which doesn’t offer a great deal of entertainment value.
In the end, I find myself wanting ease of use and quirky fun of Wii Sports. Don’t call me a Nintendo fanboy and proclaim that I’ll never get from under their rock, but if the point of Ten Pin Alley 2 is to be a “party game” (as it advertises on the box) then the controls and playability should be such that anyone can pick them up immediately and have a blast. Sure, “hold ‘B’ and swing Wiimote like you’re bowling” should be intuitive. But the game doesn’t respond well and that leaves me, and from what it seems with everyone else at my party, wanting more.
Stick to the basics: make the games responsive and you’ll have a hit…or in this case a strike. More like a turkey, just because I like having three strikes equaling a Turkey…which is appropriate for Thanksgiving…now I’m hungry.
Home |
Contact Us |
About Us |
Advertising |
Privacy Policy |
Terms of Use |
RSS |
Site Map