When I caught the first few ads for FACEBREAKERS for the Wii I thought, “Hey, that looks like fun.”  Why wouldn’t I think that - cool graphics, cool music, and the ability to beat the crap out of your friends with hilarious cartoony results.   Finally, a party game more exciting then Bowling, which seems to be the only Wii game my friends break out when dinner party conversation grows stale and digital entertainment is required.  Now that I played FACEBREAKERS K.O. PARTY I can say with all honesty that I was right, it LOOKS like fun.   Unfortunately, that’s about it.

The game is fairly simple: (1) select a pugilist from the current stable of cartoonish characters such as the Latin lover, the hulking Russian, the fat asthmatic guy in the ninja suit (my favorite); (2) pick the location of the boxing ring such as the garage ring or the gym; and (3) go to battle.  As I said, it looks good.  The graphics are big, stylish, splashy and cartoony.  It sounds good as well –  fun sfx blares in and amongst varied yet appropriate party/fighting music including surf guitar tracks that, when mixed with the stylized visuals, give one the feeling of being in a Quentin Tarantino cartoon.  So the look and sound creates, dare I say, a “hip” game environment.  The game play, however, is pretty awful.  And by pretty, I mean very.

The controls are clunky and infuriating.  Basically you thrust either the nunchuck or controller forward to punch.  A simple thrust is a jab, a thrust while you press the A button is a more powerful punch.  You tilt back either controller to “charge” up a punch and/or to parry an oncoming punch, and when you thrust it forward you execute a “Hay breaker” or its more powerful cousin the “Face breaker” not to be confused with the candy “Jawbreaker.”  The B button allows you to crouch so you can punch your opponent’s gut, the Z button is a block, which is shown as a strange bluish shield that, as far as I can tell, works only part of the time.  The directional buttons allow movement back and forth and around the ring, can help dodge, and can allow you throw your opponent into the ropes.  Sometimes.  I say sometimes because it appears that you can’t dodge some punches and you can’t block some punches, and that a whole lot of the time you need to just stand there and take those punches like a jerk.

Perhaps I’m being too hard on this game, just hurting it like it hurt me.  And it did hurt me - after a couple rounds of violent arm thrusts and button mashing I may have overextended my right elbow.  I’d gladly take the pain if there were some payoff, if there was a way to play it with strategy, a way to block and jab and punch that relied upon some actual tactics related to boxing.  But there is no finesse in this game whatsoever - its clobber or be clobbered.

 

Is this game a total waste?  No, the multi-player options allow for some fun in a party environment (which I suppose was the intent).   But the fun is distinctly finite.  After a couple of rounds, even the most intoxicated of party guests will likely become infuriated at the fact that neither the champ nor the chump (the hip monikers given to the fighters when all is said and done) have any idea what the hell they are doing.  As such, this is not a  game you need to have.  Sure, if you have it your friends are going to want to play it.  Once.  Maybe twice.  If they want to play it more than that, consider new friends.  Sure, your friends who are all about Wii Bowling may not be as hip or cool or stylish, but in the end, the relationship will be easier on your elbows.

Final thoughts:  A game that looks good and slick and fun is less than meets the eye.  Facebreakers K.O. Party left me sore and sorely disappointed.  3 out of 10.